Crystal at the W Hotel, Doha

If you’ve just arrived in Doha and are experiencing culture shock, Crystal should help. Housed within the W Hotel, it’s a pretty good approximation of a sleazy nightclub anywhere in the west. Only with a lot of more volleyball players!

Qatar might be a conservative Muslim country, but the five-star hotels scattered throughout Doha are considered neutral zones. They’re sorta like a foreign consulate — once you set foot inside, the normal rules don’t apply. In other words, you can drink till you’re drunk, wear short-ass dresses (dat ass!), go home with strangers and behave like a complete degenerate. It’s a welcome novelty in Doha, but it does come with a number of caveats.

First up, you’re going to pay for the privilege. The W wants to ensure they have the ‘right’ kind of expatriates all up in their shit, i.e. those with money. Before you can set foot in Crystal you have to buy yourself a six-month membership (200 QR, about USD $60). Get inside and the drinks are some of the most expensive you’ll find in Doha. Expect to pay around 65 QR (USD $18) for the most basic drink. Oh, and if you want to sit down that’s going to cost you extra.

The other thing to keep in mind is that Crystal doesn’t want to have a bunch of dudes looking at each other til someone turns gay. Men are ‘strongly encouraged’ to show up with women to help keep the numbers inside even. If you’re rolling with a crew of dudes, you ain’t getting in.

Get past the security and you’ll find yourself in a bad Flo-Rida video clip. There are lots of private booths, Top 40 club hits, and enough drinks with sparklers to [redacted because I don’t want to get deported]…

There are also LOTS OF TALL DUDES. For some reason Qatar seems to think Volleyball is a real sport and imports a bunch of guys from other countries to compete locally. They all hang out at the W and hit on the flight attendants from Qatar Airways.

Point is, if you’ve been clubbing anywhere else in the world you’ve seen all this before. Only better. And while the dim lighting, professional staff and faux opulence try and disguise the reality, a photo of the crowd with the flash turned on will have you recoiling in horror.

You can find more tips on living and working in Qatar in my book — God Willing: How to survive expat life in Qatar.