Do not come here. Ever. Never-ever-ever-ever come here. Do not set foot in this place. Do not joke about coming here. I cannot emphasize enough how much you should avoid Waterhole. It is not only the worst dive in all of Doha, it’s quite possibly the worst bar in the entire world.

If you like skeezy girls in short dresses then this is the spot. Alternatively, if dubious men with too much money and questionable attitudes towards women do it for you then you’ll also appreciate 7. For everyone else this is some Joseph Conrad, heart of Darkness type isht… “The horror, the horror…”

If you really want to embrace a decadent expat lifestyle, The Sharq pool bar is an excellent place to start. It’s stupid, overpriced and ridiculous. Kinda like Doha. Also, it’s directly below a flight path..

If you’ve just arrived in Doha and are experiencing culture shock, Crystal should help. Housed within the W Hotel, it’s a pretty good approximation of a sleazy nightclub anywhere in the west. Only with a lot of more volleyball players!

The first time I went to Trader Vic’s, no one had explained it to me, and it just seemed like a retro tinged restaurant with a bunch of random Spanish people dancing in the corner. I went inside, had a look around, was like ‘nah’, and went somewhere else.

Description I’m not sure which Eastern European backwater The Ritz-Carlton imports its cocktail staff from, but they all seem to be on brain-rattling medication. Attempts to order items directly from the menu can turn into 10-minute ordeals and it’s not uncommon for the staff to return several minutes later to confirm an incorrect order. Or they just never come back…

If you’re a ‘bro’ and looking for a sports bar then this is probably your best bet in Doha. Which isn’t really saying much… As the name implies, Champions is one of these modern sports bars where everything is shiny, neon lit and utterly soulless. The last refuge of the damned

Description goes hereSo I’ve tried to write (and rewrite) this review several times, but it just isn’t working out. The problem, I think, is that I’ve been trying to base the entire review around a suicide joke.
Okay, I should probably explain that…