Ritz Carlton, Doha

I’m not sure which Eastern European backwater The Ritz-Carlton imports its cocktail staff from, but they all seem to be on brain-rattling medication. Attempts to order items directly from the menu can turn into 10-minute ordeals and it’s not uncommon for the staff to return several minutes later to confirm an incorrect order. Or they just never come back…

The shabby service is kind of a downer because the cocktail lounge is actually nice. It has a traditional Arabic theme (filtered through a western perspective), and the sort of sofas you can sink into like you just took a hit of heroin. Also, the menu is pretty decent.

If you’re trying to stay sober (after several hazy years in Dubai?), there’s a wide variety of mocktails, a very good Greek salad + chicken skewers combo, and a whole elaborate thing they do with tea. Seriously though, The Ritz-Carlton seems inordinately proud of their tea. They do this whole song and dance routine with it involving giant teapots (complete with cozies), and some fine china.

Unfortunately, it all falls apart when it comes to the proper cocktails. As in, they’re just not very good. While they manage to get the basics right, i.e. a Martini glass for your Manhattan, the cocktails all taste pretty watered down… Obviously this misses the point. If you’re ordering cocktails then you’re out to get hammered. Or laid. Or both.

And that’s the thing — The Ritz-Carlton lounge is at its best in the early afternoon. It’s the sort of place you meet people before heading out properly. Or where you chill after spending time at the 11,000 QR (USD $3500) a year health club. Basically, it has a ‘chill’ vibe. And that doesn’t really change whether you swing past at 5pm or 11pm.

You can find more tips on living and working in Qatar in my book — God Willing: How to survive expat life in Qatar.